a gaze within

Regrettably, emotional pain is a part of life. To have it is no sign of weakness. It is only a sign that you are a human being that is able to feel beyond yourself. It may not always seem like a good thing, but it is better than being devoid of all feeling and empty.

no offense, but why is it better to feel all that , destroy yourself emotionally and mentally , than not feeling ?

Well, that's one of the issues with me. I don't really feel much. It takes a hell of a lot of one emotion for me to feel anything. It's been just a few days since I found out about my ex dating some other guy. I was jealous at first but that's because I spent a year of my life trying to fool myself into loving her. After my mind got into that set and suddenly broke off it felt weird. But just a few days afterward I was fine. It doesn't bother me at all anymore. At Christmas I have to fake happiness. At birthday's I have to fake happiness. At funerals I have to fake sadness. In pictures I have to force a smile. When I'm spending time with friends I have to act like I'm having a good time. I'm just have really dull emotions. I can actually count the number of times I've cried in my life other than as a baby. I don't get really angry or upset about things. Hell, my house was close to burning down the other day and I was completely calm about it.

A bit the same, tho I've cried a few time more then I'd like. Never really thought about it, other then I was being tired, but still.

Don't feel any deep emotions tho, like love and the like. Never understood trust, among people; when do you become friends? And so on.

With conversations and the like I always play a role, but I've done it so much it's now nothing I think about. Earlier it was more like a mask, but guess I've grown into it. It's better then always seeing the mask, and hopefully you can come to something alike in the future. Reality is what you make of it.

I agree wholeheartedly. Isn't it funny how we start these discussions on other people's intro threads. ha
I guess I can say that I don't really think about it anymore. I just do as I have to. Put on the mask whenever I'm around anyone at all. Even my closest friends I feel paranoid and uncertain around. They've gotten to the point where I will call them 'friends' rather than acquaintances, but I know what you mean. I still have trouble trusting some of my friends.

I don't even know what trust is. Never trusted anyone, and never understood that I didn't. Sure, I can tell people about me and what I am and what I've been trough and so on, but I could tell that to most that I know would listen and maybe understand. Is that trust?