Children

I'd want children but I'd fear having them for similar reasons as Kitessa76 mentioned..I fear reconstructive surgery, pain etc. as well, because I'm a very small person.

I also have personal issues with weight and..I guess I fear becoming 'fat' or being left with scars if I chose to have a C-section.

:S

I guess the only negative affect on my body from having a kid is stretch marks on my lower abdomen, and the little belly bulge that never goes away because it is just skin. This can be fixed with a \"tummy tuck\" surgery, but I don't really care. I am still thin, just have a little belly. But every time I look at my daughter, I know it is worth it, and I would do it again. I never really thought I would have kids, and I only have one, but I am so glad I did. Yes, after she was born I had to have a catheter, but only for a few hours. I can live with that. It was a few weeks before my body started to feel normal again, and for a few years my life was not completely my own. But I never felt trapped by her, never felt that anything I went through with her was not worth it.

If your reasons for not having a kid are only about your own body and your own personal freedom, you probably should not have a kid. If you will be resentful of the child for \"ruining your body\" or \"ruining your life\" you would probably not be a good mother, and I would feel sorry for your kid. If you can get over those feelings, you will be fine with a kid. Having a child means you give up living for yourself. I can still go shopping any time I want, or do things I want to do, but now I have a little buddy to do them with.

Like I have said before, I would not want another kid, but having one has really made me a better person, more selfless and caring and thoughtful and more mature. But sometimes I still marvel that they let me keep this person! How could I possibly be someone's mother? Strange, but true. I confessed that feeling to my mom, and she says she still feels that way! I am 35, and my sister is 34 (and she still has no kids), and my mom still doesn't believe that she is mature enough to be a mother. So don't wait until you are ready, because you never will be. Just decide if you can live with those changes in your life, or if you are unwilling to make them, and then decide if you want to have a kid based on that. Everything else will work out.

Very interesting...and how true do you believe it to be?

According to the bible God said to Eve

Genesis 3:16: To the woman he said,\"I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children.Your desire will be for your husband,and he will rule over you.\"


The christian apolegist writes:



LABOR

After Adam and Eve sinned by disobeying God, God punished Eve that she will have increased labor (Genesis 3:16). This is often translated as pain.

The concept of pain in childbirth, the so-called curse of Eve, cannot be traced to Scripture in the original languages, or to early Judaism. Genesis 3:16 is used as proof that pain is inevitable, ordained by the Creator as punishment for Eve's sin. The word translated as \"sorrow\" or \"pain\" is the Hebrew word etzev. However etzev is also used for Adam in the following verse, Genesis 3:17, a fact most translators have overlooked! The Hebrew Bible with English translation reads as follows: \"Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow (etzev) and thy pregnancy: in pain (etzev) thou shall bear children ... And unto Adam he said, ... cursed is the ground for thy sake; in toil (etzev) shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life\" (Hebrew Bible, 1965).

When the same word is translated as \"pain\" for the woman and \"toil\" for the man, it is clear that the translator's cultural beliefs have biased his judgment as a scholar of the text. The best description of giving birth is toil, or labor. When Eve's first child Cain was born there is no mention of pain or any kind of difficulty in the birth, but only the joyful statement, \"I have obtained a man [from] the Eternal\" (Genesis 4:1). In the Talmud, Eve's \"curse\" is divided into 10 parts, embracing the whole of a woman's life. Adam's \"curse\" is paired with Eve's, and divided into 10 parts also. (Helen Wessel, \"Biblical and Talmudic Images of Childbirth\", in \"The Encyclopedia of Childbearing\", ed. Barbara Katz Rothman, 1993, p. 29)

The Greek translation of the Hebrew Bible made by 70 scholars nearly 300 years before Christ uses the Greek word lupe to translate the Hebrew word etzev in Genesis 3:16. The word lupe refers only to an emotion. Three Greek words are used to translate chul and yalad. These words are gennao, tikto, and odino. Gennao means to have a child and is used of either parent. Tikto simply means \"to give birth.\" Odino means to labor in birth. These same three simple words are found in the Greek New Testament. But again, translators have too often imposed on them the false assumption of pain or anguish in birth, even though the Bible describes the bearing of children as one of the most rewarding and joyous experiences of a woman's life. (Helen Wessel, \"Biblical and Talmudic Images of Childbirth\", in \"The Encyclopedia of Childbearing\", ed. Barbara Katz Rothman, 1993, pp. 29-30)

Thanks to the miracle of modern medicine, the 9 months prior to delivery were significantly worse than delivery. Hello epidural anesthesia! Delivery really wasn't that bad. I just never want to be actually pregnant again. That whole \"curse of Eve\" makes less sense to me than a snake hoodwinking Eve into eating the fruit of knowledge. Well, what nonsense. Sorry and apologies to anyone who reads the Bible as literal fact.

Kitessa, your reasons for not wanting to have children sound a lot like mine (I'm 36, and have always known I didn't want kids). I don't think this is something you will \"outgrow\", so unless you have a really profound change in your feelings, I don't think you should have a child. If you do have one just to please your husband, you could end up feeling trapped and resentful towards both him and the child, which is not good for anyone concerned.

Scootiebee:

'So don't wait until you are ready, because you never will be. Just decide if you can live with those changes in your life, or if you are unwilling to make them, and then decide if you want to have a kid based on that. Everything else will work out.'

I think that is some of the best advice anyone has ever given me. Thank you



Morgana: it's nice to know that I'm not the only one with these feelings. I do hope that I will have a profound change of feelings sometime soon for my husband's sake, for it is not fair for me to deny him such a vital part of his life when I was aware of his desires when I married him.
I reckon if someone developed the technology for the child to grow in an incubator or something like that, rather than me, I may be more receptive to the whole idea