Children

I never wanted to have kids when I was younger. Even when I met the right guy, we still weren't sure we would ever want to have kids. Plus, I was on a lot of meds for bipolar at the time, and didn't feel it was a good idea to have kids with the meds in my system. But I got to a point where I was doing well physically, we were doing fine in every other way too, and we thought this would be our only chance to have a kid. So I have one perfectly wonderful kid. Never having more, though. I don't think I can handle diapers and tantrums anymore. But I love the one I have.

I adore children. I have a really strong maternal instinct, shall we call it, and I've always wanted to have kids. I do admit I'm a bit young to be starting right now (I'll be 19 in little over a month) but the idea of being a stay-at-home-mom with five children running about is very attractive to me. My mum always tells me that I have a way with children, and they never seem to mind my being Goth, even when I don't know them personally. I think that they might only just notice the excessive adornments and decorations that us Goths wear and it intrigues them, mostly because there are no two identical Goths. As for dressing youngsters in Goth attire from the cradle, the same can be said for mainstreamers, can't it? If mainstream parents are going to dress their children in mainstream clothing, why should Goths not dress their children in Goth clothing?
Just a thought...

@EmmaLee28 You are free to dress your child however you want, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
I don't think I'll dress my kid black though until he/she asks and then AVALANCHE!!!
But I still have no kids and don't plan to until I get more stable, in more ways than one. I would like two of them but the labor scares me...being all thin and pale...I can't see me as a mom, nor a pregnant woman. But that will pass I hope.

Oh, I bought a Metallica onesie for my kid, and dressed her in whatever struck my fancy. Now I buy what she likes (she is 9, likes Dr. Martens and black).

Why do you think I have one kid? I hated being pregnant. Labor and delivery was nothing compared to the prior 9 months. I was not a good pregnant lady. I felt horrible for 9 months straight. Never again!

I have major issues with the idea of breeding.

I married my husband at 28 years of age. I married him knowing full well he wanted children; at that point in my life I did not. I hoped that by the time I hit my thirties I would want children too. I am now 33 years old, and have no more maternal instincts now than I did back then. And time is running out. The closer to 40 you get, the more risk the foetal development.

Thankfully my husband is being incredibly understanding about this. He will not push the issue, knowing that for me to bear children whilst in this state of mind would be a terrible and dangerous thing. My sister-in-law recently gave birth to my niece. I believe my husband hoped being around a baby may kick in some maternal instinct in me, but all it has done is cement my stance. I see how much running around she has to do for her baby. I see the lack of time to herself she has. I also see the complications post labour she is going through.

I work in a hospital. Whilst we do not do maternity, many of the nurses I work with have done maternity in the past, and I listen to them talk. We do some gynaecology ops on my ward, and some of the surgery is to rectify issues caused by labour. No matter how society try to play it down, labour is dangerous. I've seen women come in needing to be catheterised because they can't urinate post labour. I have seen women need reconstructive surgery, and the list goes on and on.

Sometimes too much information is a bad thing.

I like my freedom too much. I love being able to jump on my motorbike and go for a ride when I want (depending on work, of course!) I love being able to go shopping on the spur of the moment, go to a cafe, a restaurant, a movie...anything spontaneously. Having children mean you have to work around them. And don't let me get started on how it buggers up your body! Every mother I know say they put on weight so much easier since having children, that their breasts are more saggy since breastfeeding etc etc. Yes, some of my issues with children are vanity related.

I suppose my biggest fear is of losing my identity. I feel that once you have a child, you lose yourself and you live only for that child.

I would much rather have a house full of animals.

If any mothers out there have any words of advice or reassurance, I would greatly appreciate anything you can give

I'm not exactly a mother, but I have a little experience with kids, everything but labor. I have five children. Yes you do tend to live for them, but I wouldn't say you lose your identity. You just tend to not be as spontaneous as you once could be. I have given up alot for my kids but it was all just material things. As far as the danger of it I'm pretty sure a bike is hugher on the list of danger. All I can really tell you is that my kids are a gift. They make my day everyday and love me completely unconditionally. They are well worth anything I have given up.