childhood memories...

Family? Well, nothing more then usuall. A bit fighting, but nothing serious. Like any family, no?

But I have many personalities, and may even be affected my the Asperger syndrome, so I've had it... well, would you think it though? I don't, I think of it as a part of my life, something that has formed this personality I usually shows.
Spent 3 years on my own. In school, tried to make friends, they tried to be friends, boys loved me, I loved them, but nothing ever happened... didn't even know how to hold a conversation, so how could I know how to be a girlfriend? Couldn't even keep a friend.

Better now. Addicted to my fantasies, how can people live without dreams alike? I still hope they'd come true, and my worst fears are to be alone again... but I do dream about it. The dreams I had, how I could write (when nothing can distract you and you have to get the feelings out), I still want to go back there... but the feelings of being alone. When you know nothing else (I've had totally 3 friends before those 3 years, those that ended 3 years ago) it's easy to live it through. Cried every night at some times, but I was never depressed. Not as they usually describe it.
But when you know what else life could be... it terrible. Awfull. But what dreams! How I could dream myself away... loose myself totally to nothingness. Only had one anchor to this world; the only reason I'm still sane, and not lost in dreams. Just addicted to them.

There's worse things out there then just the feeling of being alone. But you can't understand it if you haven't felt it. I want to be special, yes, but don't think I can be special in this.

As far back as I can remember I was travelling with my family very often. By the time i was 10 I saw more countries that most people see in a lifetime. Yes, my family has it's disfunctions too, and sometimes it was very hard to deal with that when travelling but at the same time those very things along with the complications when being away from home taught me a very important lesson, and is a lesson without which i would probably never have had half the wonderful spurr of the moment adventures i've had, i wouldn't have lived life as fully as i have up until now. The lesson is, that it's useless to dwell over what you could have done differently - when a problem arises use whatever resources you have and make the most of it. Easier said than done of course, but you can't change the past, you can only use what the past has given you to change the future

Hence I really try to live my life in a spurr of the moment style, if i have the chance to go somewhere right now to do something interesting, i'll do it. It's useless also to overthink what could go wrong (to a certain extent). A billion problems could arise but you can't do anything about them now, just deal with them when they need to be dealt with

Through my childhood I've also come to cherish my home dearly. Yes, I spend a lot of time away from it, but that has made me appreciate it to an extent that is beyond words. I am very proud of where I come from (don't worry, I won't go posting flag pictures and saying how my country is the best evereverEVER or any nationalistic crap, i just simply love my home). Although a great deal is spent learning about other cultures, everyone has their own culture they were raised in and are affected by whether they like it or not.

Yeah, I've never really been interested in what might happen, only what's likely to happen. We could all die right now, but we won't, so it doesn't matter. That's partly because I was raised in a family where anything had to be pre-okayed; I never was even allowed to close my door, let alone lock it. Since i moved to my Mom's, i began to realize exactly how restricting my dad's house was. I already kind of knew, since I spent summers and some weekends here anyway, but it really hit home when all of a sudden I had to be a different person again. A combination of things led to the fact that, unless something changes, I will probably never speak to my dad again.

of course, something will eventually change, but... it's really changed the way my life's going. Once, when I was about 7, I was going through a neighbor's yard to my friend's house. Under a plastic chair, I saw a crossbow. I knew exactly what it was, and i knew that I'd probabaly not get to see one that close for a very very long time. So i started lookingat it, learning how it worked. I traced the lines where the bolt would go, pivked it up and tested the string and so on, just to learn.


When he owner found me holding it, everyone freaked out. I got two wooden spoons broken over my butt that day, because I answered \"Are you ever going to do it again?\" with \"I don't know!\".
I'm no psychic, I was thinking. eventually I lied and said no, just to get her to stop.

I more or less began hating my step-mom at that point.

My Childhood was good.
not much in the way of travling,or otherwise. just normal
most of the fun stuff happend whan I got older.

Didn't really go anywhere as a kid. I lived pretty much with my family out in the woods away from people. School sucked and all I really had was a gameboy as a friend. I beat up on my half brother; which in return his abusive father would beat the shit out of me. Other than those oppressive memories all I can think of are face diving into a birthday cake as a toddler, one of the few Christmases, learning to drive down a dirt road, almost killing my step-sister with an ATV, and having a lot of puppies...

Traveled some place every summer since my Mum was a Teacher and Father was a Sales Rep. So before I graduated I had been to almost all 50 states and then while in the Military traveled quite a bit as well.