A sometimes touchy subject . . .

Thre's so much that's different in me, and so much that's just normal that's made me into something different. There may be a bit of Achberger (or such) in me, but not enough to actually show.

I have been alone, without a friend, for years. The worst with that is having no one to tell your jokes... And I got such an imagination, that I can't live whitout my world. Ever since I was born I've made my own dreams and fantasies into a world - at first, a hero. Then several. Then they where made into stories, hecne why I want to be a writer. Every since before I was 10...
I've been so close to dissapearing into my own world. Why live in this world, why wait for something that might happen? I'd never take my life, but I could dissapear into myself... and I've been close, so close. Only thing that kept me in thise world was that I loved a boy in my class. He loved me, but when he sat next to me once,and put his hand on my leg, I didn't understand. I didn't get it. Why put a hand on my leg? What does that mean? What should I do?

My dreams have been different, but they are the reason I'm alive. Once I talked to a professional at school, and she said she thought I didn't know how bad I was, because I had never been happy. And I didn't, don't, know what happiness is really. And I don't know if I can trust persons, because I never had anyone to trust. Never had any best friend.

I don't want someone's shoulder to cry on. I want to be alone, if I ever should cry. Can't stop any other way. I just want someone to tell my jokes to, to play my games with, just someone to hang out with. Got a few now... wish I had a few more.

Trust me on this, everyone wishes they had a few more people who were close to them. Truly close. So don't worry, everyone seems to be in that boat. Most people have lots of associates or acquaintances, but very few really close friends. I feel lucky to have the few I do.

I don't want very close friends - I have a few. Well, three if you count my boy. But no associates, not nearly enough. Just want to spend time with people that at least share an interest of mine - being alone isn't that fun when you know what you're missing.