A sometimes touchy subject . . .

cemwerewolf wrote:

How can I care for those around me if I get bogged down in my own woes?

I hope you can at least take a bit of time for yourself each day... whether it's a bubble bath, relaxing with a coffee, or whatever else you might enjoy. You won't be any good to the myriad of people who depend on you, if you let yourself break down completely.

I try to find time for myself. But it's almost become easier to keep busy instead of thinking about what's going on with me. I'm afraid that if I do focus on me it will become too much and I will break down. For some reason I've always been the person that everyone comes to with their troubles. I guess they find me a comforting soul. But the problem becomes when you are the one that everyone turns to, you have no one to turn to yourself. And I find that is a situation that many people who have assumed a caretaking role fall into. In the end, the hope is that the people you are helping will benefit from the help your giving and will no longer need to be so firmly supported. You want both of you to enjoy that freedom. But it takes time . . .

cemwerewolf wrote:

I try to find time for myself. But it's almost become easier to keep busy instead of thinking about what's going on with me. I'm afraid that if I do focus on me it will become too much and I will break down. For some reason I've always been the person that everyone comes to with their troubles. I guess they find me a comforting soul. But the problem becomes when you are the one that everyone turns to, you have no one to turn to yourself. And I find that is a situation that many people who have assumed a caretaking role fall into. In the end, the hope is that the people you are helping will benefit from the help your giving and will no longer need to be so firmly supported. You want both of you to enjoy that freedom. But it takes time . . .

If you have that kind of patience, that is wonderful, and an indescribable gift for the people you care for. They will come to a place where they will appreciate all that you do for them. I know, because my husband is that person for me. But while he was doing all the primary care-giver stuff, he got frustrated and depressed himself. I made him see my shrink a few times, and it really did him a world of good. If you can see the same doctor that your \"patient\" is seeing, it can help a lot, because a lot of your personal concerns probably revolve around the common patient, and their doctor will be able to offer you a lot of insight into their condition, and in turn help you out too. Sorry for the epic-length sentence. I hope that makes sense to you...

Unfortunately, I'm not as patient as I wish I could be. I loose my temper sometimes and snap at him. Sometimes I just want to walk away. But I still love him no matter how irrational and frustrating he can be sometimes. So I struggle through. As far as seeing a shrink, I've been trying to work my way up to it but haven't gotten that far yet. My mind seems to have decided that if I don't get professional confirmation, nothing's wrong. It's silly I know, but when there's so much going on it's easy to ignore the things on the fringes.

Well it's really not that silly, a lot of people function that way but that should encourage you to go see him, not to get conformation that you have this or that, but to achieve some peace of mind. And I snap on my honey every day, and every day I am more and more sorry, but he doesn't mind....I mind more than him so I try to keep it together, I even started shouting on the monitor...it helps LOL

I can almost guarantee that seeing the shrink will not validate some fear that you are having trouble, but be reassuring that what you are experiencing is to be expected, but that you don't have to live with it or suffer it alone. It is wonderful to have someone with a degree and a license say to you, \"you are a good person, and you shouldn't have to suffer for your good works. Here, I am here to help you find your way through this, and together we can all feel better.\" That's a good thing! For my husband, he went two or three times, and then didn't need to go anymore, but he felt a lot better having an understanding with my shrink, and the shrink was in turn better able to help me by understanding my relationship with my hubby better, and finding better ways for us to relate to each other. does that make sense?