Hey

Ah, I think I understand a lot what you're talking about... I often wonder \"what if\", but frankly, the things I've been through in my life - I don't want anyone to go through that the way I had too; and I don't really have an interest or the energy to be in another person's shoes. It's hard enough just being me. :woohoo:
I can sympathize with other people, I really can, but life isn't easy for anybody (and I literally mean anybody). The only difference you can make of it is how you handle the stuff that life throws in your way...

This may sound kinda grim: but I'd recommend that you avoid those thoughts about being with another person to escape the drama of life. If you're not happy with your own life now, a partner won't change that in the long run, but can mess up things even more. You have to love yourself and accept yourself the way you are - there's not way around it (hell, I'd be the first one trying out a short-cut if I could ). You can change your hair colour, but you can't just erase the stuff you've been though and which has formed you as a person. Why make yourself suffer thinking about the past which you can't change? Focus on the future and enjoying yourself the way you are.

Wondering in the past is like a check list for me, so i know what not to do that made this happen, ya know. i dont want to make the same mistake twice. my life is great i guess lol but i often wonder what it would be like in someone else shoes because i want to figure out what i can do to help, just being there for them, watching them sufffer, i cant stand that. i want to help more, they dont know how i can but i know that im willing to figure it out. sad thing is that i usually put my friends and family first before myself, always helping them. doing things for them. everything. i dont really care about it because i love them, and to me its nothing giving up time for them. but then i just wish what it would be like to be truly happy, yes im the sad dramatic type but im serious.. . . I think im happy. but seeing everyone around me, whats truly going on. am i happy. lol i geuss the world may never know the answer.

@ Vezdrin: hehehe Thanks, And what would you like to talk about in our future chats? =^.^=

Yeah, I also put the people I love before myself, or at least I did that in the past. Trying to put myself first now because I've leaned that I'm not making anybody a favour with doing the opposite.
If the people you love, love you the same way in return, then they too want to help you, even though maybe their problems are bigger. It can be a really vicious circle. I had a hard time being there for a lot of people, but you come to a point where you just don't have the energy to go on like that or you see you are just smashing your head against a wall and nothing's moving; I just turned the page and started a new chapter. Some people couldn't deal with that, so we went our separate ways, others struggled a bit to adjust while others instantly embraced the new attitude, but basically in the end how I started to feel better about myself, people around me started to get better too. Maybe it's contagious, maybe it's just that feeling good about myself makes me have more energy to help others, dunno. Just saying that putting yourself before others isn't selfish - it can sometimes bring more good then you think.

btw. when you are replying, please keep all you have to say in one post. And add the name of the person you are addressing too, because otherwise it can be a bit confusing. :silly:

I used to feel exactly the way you do, Broken Angel. Seeing the state of the world made me question a lot of things and have this horrible feeling of helplessness. Throughout my teenage years, I would describe myself as a nihilist and I seriously questioned if not flat out denied the existence of divinity. When I was 18, I had a near-death experience and suddenly my whole view of the world changed. I'd spent so much of my life thinking about what was wrong that I'd completely forgotten that life isn't guaranteed to anyone and that we are lucky to even be alive. Now, I'm more concerned with taking care of myself and I'm determined to achieve the goals that I have set for myself rather than be bothered about what's wrong with everyone else.

You can't help anyone if you just focus on the bad. If your life is going great, be grateful and enjoy it. No one is born to suffer so you shouldn't feel guilty about enjoying life. Sure, you can help others when the opportunity presents itself but if you don't take care of yourself, you'll have nothing left to give anybody. Whenever you're feeling down, try to think of ten things that you're grateful for because trust me, in any situation there is always something to be grateful for. That helps me feel better whenever I start to feel frustrated.

Also, I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason so anything that happened in the past only served to make you the person that you are today and that's a good thing. Life is a learning experience and no one is perfect so don't be too hard on yourself.

I think everyone goes through the whole \"meaning of life\" phase. There are no right or wrong answers, you just have to figure out what it means for you and above all, love yourself because of all the people in the world, you're the only person who can be you and that's no minor thing. Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in thinking that we are just so small and can't make a difference but it's not true. Everyone contributes to the world so in being a better person, you're creating a better world.